Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Don't Stop Believing?

So I'm not an especially religious person. I wasn't really raised in a religious environment, excluding the 2 years I went to church from age 9-11, and I can't tell you much but the bare bones of Christianity. I've gone through a lot in terms of figuring out where I stand on religion- for me, I cannot stand the idea of being a hypocrite, and that's meant (for me) that I haven't been able to fully claim myself as religious because I can't find a religion that accurately portrays what I believe. At best, I feel I'm best described as agnostic. But I have to admit, something is shifting in me lately.

I started this blog in an effort to stay grateful and get better at recognizing the small things I should be thankful for in daily life. In recognizing what I'm grateful for, though, I'm seeing patterns and occurrences that I can't call coincidences-I feel like sometimes, things are happening (and have happened) because they're what I need to happen at that moment. I don't mean I'm getting some lovely free-pass in life where everything I want is being laid out in front of me, but instead, I'm learning lessons and being taught so much right now. And all the right people and events are lining up in my life to prepare me for the events that are on the horizon.

I don't even know if this makes sense, and it might sound silly. But lately, as I see how decisions I made for no reason but gut feeling are now becoming relevant and showing themselves as the right choices, and how I can pull from prior experiences to get through the obstacles I'm coming up against, I have to consider with more thoughtfulness than I have in the past that maybe I am being watched over. I still don't believe God will make all things possible, and I don't believe that God will always open a window when He closes a door- you have to work for these things, God won't just hand everything to you. But I'm starting to believe that maybe the thing I've called fate all along might actually be God, working through us and gently guiding us internally to make the best choice for us. Or maybe not, I could easily be wrong. But the fact that there is now a maybe- that I can actually see the possibility and believe it could be true- that's a pretty beautiful thing to have occur, and I'm grateful to be experiencing it.

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